For example, yesterday was 1 year that my boyfriend and I have been together. I love him very much and have no idea why my following actions resulted in the way that they had. I woke up and have yet to realize that it was our one year, not because I forgot completely because I have been reminding him all week.

But anyways, I went out into the living room and layed on the couch with my boyfriend and everything was peachy I would say. I would say a couple of hours later was when everything got weird.

Oh yea, something you should know is that I live with my boyfriend, his sister, and his father. As much as I can’t stand staying in the house all the time, I find myself in the house every second that I am not at work. He (my boyfriend), has grown up in this area all his life and knows just about everyone! He walks around almost all day and never tells me when he decides to leave!

But anyways, this day which was suppose to be wonderful and full of love began that way but ended so far away from it!

I began to get bored as usual on my day off and began to feel I guess a little depressed… He realized this from the expressions on my face and asked, “whats wrong with you?”

I answered as usual, “Nothing.”

Even though I was thinking, “Im bored as hell, and I want to get out of this house for a change!”

But because of my lack of communication skills, I just kept him wondering why I was in the mood I was in. So, being the guy he is, he decided leaving me alone in the house and leaving would make me feel better? Idk!

This made me just get a bit more moody and depressed because there is nothing more upsetting then sitting in your boyfriends fathers house with no one there and watching tv all day because I know no one around, have absolutely no car, and my cell phone had been cut off for two weeks! (No house phone, go figure!)

So when I get into these moods, I find myself closing myself off to everything and everyone else and going to lay in bed.

He gets back and sees no one in the living room and immediately knows that I have resulted to the bed. He opens the door and pulls the covers away from my face and asks, “Why are you laying down for?”, I say, “Because I have nothing better to do with myself!”

He sits there for a minute and then walks out of the room and shuts the door behind him!

This makes me a little mad, “why: I dont have a clue!”, so I get up and go back to the couch in the living room!

He notices the look again and sits next to me and asks, “whats wrong with you?” I say, “Nothing”. (Second chance to talk it out!)

So time passes and he leaves yet again, only this time he asks, “Im about to go to my grandmas house to see my auntie, do you want to come with me?”

I dont say not one thing to him! So he gets up and says, “F*** it and leaves me there!”

This made me so fired up inside but I still said absolutely nothing! (Still yet to remember that it is our 1 YEAR!)

So, I return to the tv and find that a really good movie has come on, that I have not seen yet. I begin to watch it and half way through the movie, he decides to walk through the door.

He comes directly to me and sits right in front of my view of the tv and starts hugging me, rocking me, and just being annoying! So, being the weird person I am I get very angry, because I am trying to finish watching this movie (at the time all the action of the movie is happening, but I cant see it!), I tell him to move but he does not! I become even more mad and start to push him off but he wont let me and clings harder!

So after fusing a little, he finally moves out-of-the-way and starts walking around the house. I continue watching the movie and then find myself looking at him. Yet, I wanted him to move so badly so I could watch the movie, why was I looking at him?

So I return to watching the movie and after it is over I went into the kitchen to find something to eat. As I am in the kitchen, he comes up to me and tells me that I am getting worse, with my mood that is, everyday!

So, me being me, I say absolutely nothing! So he continues with, “Do you have any goals set?”

Note: The past week, we have been talking about what I am going to be doing while he is in boot camp…

But, once again all I could do is think and no matter how bad I wanted to answer his question, I said NOTHING!

He walks away and so do I.

I sit back on the couch and just stare!

At this point I am just so frustrated over? I feel myself getting deeper and deeper into this mood that basically has no meaning!

NOTE: I got PMS the night before!

SO I go into the room and sit there for a minute and walk back out into the living room.

I go sit down and ask him to use his cell phone. I text my mom which lives quite a way away from us.

text: Do you have any gas yet?

Note: She was suppose to pick me up that day to get school things situated for Jan., but could not because she had no gas!

text back: no.

text:well when does he get back?

Note: Her man is away on a business call and is due that day to return.

text back: Idk y?

text: I want to leave now.

call from mom: Whats going on? Me: Nothing. Mom: Well something has to be wrong if you just want to leave! Me: No, I just want to leave (Thinking something completely different then nothing) Mom: Ok, well let me call you back.

This whole time, he is sitting right next to me and most likely wondering why I am all of a sudden just leaving and havent said anything to him about it.

So I go into the room and begin packing some things, and he comes in.

Him: So you are leaving?, why are you leaving?, I haven’t told you to get out or anything!

Me: (Silent)

Mom calls: So have you even told Durrell that you are leaving or are you just up and leaving? You need to be a woman and tell him that you are leaving and talk to him!

Me: Ok

Mom: Well do you want me to come now or wait until tomorrow?

Me: Now

Mom: Ok, so I will be there shortly and dont bring everything right now because it’s not all gonna fit!

Me: Ok!

As I get off the phone he is just looking at me. I begin packing some more and he begins to talk to me about leaving.

I tell him that I mines well just go anyway because when he leaves I am going to have to go to my moms anyway, even though I love my job and dont really want to.

So he says, Thats crazy!

He says a few other things and then leaves the room!

As the door closes and I am alone, I really start to think about things and tears begin to fall!

Now, I am a very emotional person!

So for some odd reason I find myself sitting in the closet with my head down just crying away.

He comes back into the room and looks in the closet to find me, of course!

He tells me that I am depressed and it’s not healthy, (which I already know, but can’t help it).

I tell him that I dont want it to be over, that I just need to go to think and clear my mind for a bit, and that I will be back for Christmas!

But, unfortunately there is no reason to come back so late because he leaves for boot camp Jan. 13th!

So, silly me says that we can go back to high school days and he can stay there while I go to my moms and we can see each other when able to!

So my mom calls and tells me that she is outside and to hurry up!

He and I continue to talk and I come out of the closet.

I finish packing and give him some kisses.

We walk to the car and get everything in it, I give him some more kisses, and “I love you”.

I get into the car and I am gone just that fast!

I get to my moms and get onto the computer.

I begin to look at blogs about finding yourself, communication problems, and speaking my mind.

I have never blogged before this and I find that it is very helpful in my situation. Although I have no idea if it will be read or not, getting all this out is a relief.

But as I was on the computer last night, I begin missing him so much!

I think about what did I do and why did I do it?

I mean at first I began to think it was a mistake but after having a long talk with his sister on the phone, I realize that sometimes it good to get away and clear your mind. It has definitely opened my eyes to a little more, but I am still confused a lot.

I dont exactly know what is wrong with me or why I have such horrible communicating problems but I guess realizing I do is a first step?

Have you gone through anything remotely close to this before??

If so, I would love and appreciate greatly some advice.